haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
