God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
