did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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