My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
