Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
