I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
