Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
