be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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