can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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