So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
