You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
