and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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