I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
