It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize