im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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