We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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