dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
