so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
