I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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