Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
