I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
