I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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