You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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