If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
