Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think my vagina is haunted
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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