I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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