Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
