my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
