I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
