i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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