we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
