don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
