My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
