every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
