He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
