I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
