My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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