I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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