please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
