I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
