I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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