He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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