I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize