Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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