I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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