Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
