Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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