i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
