for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
