Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
