In the future we'll all be gay
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
