dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
