Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
