What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
