dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
