I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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