We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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