I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
