she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
