Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
is it fun? or sober?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
