dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
