I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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