I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
