Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
