Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
