I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fuck appropriateness.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
