he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
